You wake up one day and you realise that your life isn’t quite where you want it to be. You might have daydreams or fantasies of what your “ideal” life might look like, but you find that you’re going around in the same circle, repeating past behaviours or patterns, or simply just caught up in your regular day-to-day routines.
So now you find yourself here, maybe unfulfilled with just one element of your life, like your career, relationship, or health, or completely and utterly “stuck” in your life in general.
To keep it really simple, you have two options: either change something or stay the same. And we all know the definition of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
If this is where you’re at right now, have a look at these questions and see where your answers take you:
How healthy are you really?
Good nutrition and exercise solves a whole lot of problems, yet we often look in every other direction than the most obvious one. If you feel bad physically, you'll feel bad mentally. If you're in a negative headspace, it will most likely impact on your emotional health. Does the fact that you're physically stagnant have anything to do with the fact that you're mentally stagnant? It probably does. Improving your spiritual health is going to have such a positive impact on your physical, mental and emotional health. You can't untangle all of your “bodies” from each other, however making a difference in one area will certainly have a positive impact on the others.
What can you start doing to become healthier? Something achievable like improving your diet, listening to a podcast, meditating or taking a walk? The idea of getting healthy might seem like the most basic thing in the world, but improving your overall life begins with doing the most obvious things first, and then doing them consistently.
When did you last step outside of your comfort zone?
Where have you been playing it safe? When was the last time you tried something new? When did you last assert yourself and speak your mind when you knew deep down you had something to say? Feeling “stuck” isn't a result of dramatic circumstances, it happens when you have repeatedly done nothing new over a long period of time.
Possibly, like me, you grew up with the belief that "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't". You might hate your boss, but at least you know what to expect. You might not be in love with your partner any more, but co-existing is easier than starting over to find a new partner or worse again, being alone.
You can shock yourself into action when you realise that you have stayed in your comfort zone for months, years, or even worse, your entire life…..
What are you afraid of?
The fear you have is the reason why you avoid change, isn't it? How do you think that I know that? Because you're human, and as humans we're hard-wired to be afraid of change. Fear keeps us “safe” and “comfortable”.
With that knowledge, get to the root of why you're so afraid of making changes in your life. Is what you're facing truly terrifying or is it just a story you're telling yourself? Has anyone else made it through a similar situation and done the things you're afraid of? If so, then it's absolutely possible for you to do so too.
There are two types of people in this world, the people who face their fears and people who don't. The difference in the quality of their lives is dramatic. We're all afraid of something, we are human after all. It takes courage to face your fears and push forward anyway, but that courage to take the first step builds confidence, with that you'll find that you're then able to take bigger steps.
What will happen if you continue to live this way?
What will your life look like in five, ten, or twenty years time if you continue to do the things you've been doing? Do you like what you see? It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine and lose sight of the bigger picture.
As much as possible, I always try to zoom out and remember why I'm doing what I'm doing — when I feel like my career is progressing too slowly, when I'm doing tedious tasks in support of my goals that I don't feel like doing, when I want to quit and cry and scream and throw things (this happens!).
Pushing through the pain or discomfort, as exhausting and uncomfortable as it might be, is a sure-fire way for me to reach my goals, to create my best life filled with purpose, passion and meaning, so reminding myself what my life goals are allows me to push through and get on with it.
What will staying in the same career do to your life?
Time is the most valuable commodity that we have. The way you make your living is anything but inconsequential. Your work is important, because you spend a lot of your valuable time working. I'm not saying that you have to love every second of your work day, but if you don't feel like you have a purpose, a sense of contribution or regularly experience some level of enjoyment, it will ultimately cause you harm.
If you work in a soul-destroying job, that destruction can spill over into the other parts of your life... like your health, your relationship, your family life. It's possible that you can see the effects of this already if you're being really honest with yourself.
Is there a disconnect between your career and your core values? Could the situation be improved by moving in a different direction? Do you want to quit your job and start over? Can you take a part-time course? What are your options?
What do you hate?
Figuring out what you really and truly like can be pretty difficult. Figuring out what you don't want and subsequently removing or avoiding it is much easier. If you can identify and remove most of the negativity from your life you'll be in a really good place. We often tolerate things that we hate for a greater good. We figure we can put up with something because it has a some sort of benefit. But really, what is the benefit?
I'll admit that in the past I've done jobs that I didn't love and stuck with them for the payday, but I've realised that life is too short and my health is too important to do things that I genuinely despise, so I've just stopped doing them.
Is the juice really worth the squeeze? What reward could be so great as to tolerate something you hate? I can't think of a really good answer. Can you?
What would you do if you knew you had only six months to live?
You can spend time doing what you love right this minute. I love compelling conversations, so I surround myself with inspiring and passionate people. I love writing, so I write. I love learning, so I learn. I love walking with my dog, so we walk. I have a great family and amazing friends, so I love to spend time with them. I'm so looking forward to the day when we can travel more which will help satisfy my thirst for adventure outside of our current limitations.
What if you were told that your time on earth was limited? You wouldn't spend it sitting still and awaiting your final moments. You'd go do all of the things you've been putting off until you get that promotion or lose that extra stone. You may reach out to the people closest to you and spend as much time with them as possible. You would very quickly figure out the most important things to you and take action on them. One of the best ways to get un-stuck is to realise that you truly don't know how much time you have left on this planet, so aim to live your life to the fullest and die without regrets.
Are you playing to your strengths?
What are you good at? What are the skills and talents that are unique to you? How often do you get to use your strengths? Is your life or career path aligned with your positive qualities?
The problem with doing something you're not at least somewhat good at is two-fold. First, you have a cap on how good you can be, and that cap is probably mediocre at best. Second, you'll be unhappy or indifferent because believe it or not, your passion comes from your level of skill and competence, not the other way around.
You can absolutely continue to force yourself into a box that's actually not a good fit for you, but jamming a square peg into a round hole hurts, and if you do it for long enough you'll wear out the edges of your sanity.
What’s the first step you can take?
The environment we live in has such a big impact on our overall health, so cleaning it up is a really easy way to make a positive change in your life. If you are surrounded by clutter in your home, you're pretty likely to have a cluttered mind. If you are organised, you are more likely to be productive and successful. If you listen to the news regularly, you are more likely to be fearful. If you engage with or entertain negativity or drama in your inner world, you will likely see much more of it in your overall life.
What old “stories” are you telling yourself? What “habits” do you have that are doing you more harm than good? What do you need to let go of? Who is dragging you down? What are you watching? What are you reading? Who do you follow? What are you eating? Cleaning up your act consciously is the very best first step you can possibly take in transforming your current circumstances into a life that you absolutely love to live.
Your life isn't going to magically change after reading this, but it can be a start if you take action. The little things that you do over time will make up your whole life and will lay the foundations for the bigger things to come. This is your life, I truly hope you yearn to live it, not just exist.
As always, if there’s anything in here that strikes a chord or that you would like me to help you with, please reach out… I would love to hear from you.
Much love xxx
