Fear is the number one reason why people miss out on so many of the opportunities that arise in their lives … opportunities for love, friendship, becoming an entrepreneur, career advancement and much, much more. Often when we’re afraid of rejection or failure, we hold back from asking for help, phone numbers, and pay rises, even when we are worthy and deserving of every good thing that could happen to us. And because of our fear, we miss out on many experiences that could bring us joy, excitement and satisfaction. Fortunately, there are simple but powerful practices that will help you to face your fears and take your power back, freeing you up to focus on saying “Yes” to your life. Want to start using these practices?
The Fear of Change
Humans are creatures of habit. We like routines and knowing the outcome of our efforts, which alone can keep us from living up to our potential or trying out new things. So in order to overcome the fear of change, you have got to realise when change is really worth it. If the end result is of real value to you, then you won’t mind the extra time or effort put in to achieve the change. If it feels overwhelming, put together an action plan and break it down into small steps. How do you eat an elephant? One small bite at a time :-)
The Fear of Failure
When people are scared of failure, they’re usually afraid that others won’t see them as successful. So, how do you overcome it? Define what success actually means to you, what your end result would look like and how it would make you feel. It should be something that’s attainable and one that improves your life. Remind yourself that failure is relative. If you’re not able to achieve one step along the way, it’s not the end of your journey. Take time to think the situation over, then plan a new route.
The Fear of Uncertainty
Because fear is naturally rooted in the unknown, if we know how things would work out in the end, we actually wouldn’t worry about our decisions. Ultimately you just need to be more confident in your choices. How? Consider the information to know to be true. Is there really a risk involved? Can you mitigate that risk? If so, how? Can someone else provide more clarity? Will you be ok if it doesn’t work out? Learn how to be at peace with the end result. If it works out, great! If it doesn’t, remember that you made the best decision with the information that you had at the time. From there, you learn. There’s really no such thing as a mistake if you can look at it from another perspective, it’s really just an opportunity for growth and along the way you gained confidence in knowing that you tried something new and learned from it.
The Fear of Being Judged
Most people worry about what other people will or already do think of them. But it’s really important to remember that you have no control over other peoples perception of you. And quite honestly, the people that matter the most to you will tend to be the most understanding. Also you will find that the people who own their own mistakes recognise that everyone is bound to make them. They also understand that mistakes are the building blocks of character and can lead to many greater things with the right perspective. Listen to those people and watch how they grow. Someone’s opinion of you will only matter if you let it. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.
The Fear of Rejection
Some people are afraid of rejection itself. It’s hard to step out of your comfort zone, so that may cause you not go after your dreams. If you have this fear, try writing out a list of the worst possible scenarios and then decide if it’s really and truly not worth the risk. A lot of the time you might find that your fear is actually rooted in what someone else would think of you, even a complete stranger! Another thing you can try is de-sensitising yourself to rejection, like asking for a free coffee refill at a bar or restaurant. This often helps getting over your fear in a really low-risk way, but you might be pleasantly surprised how often you get what you want because you had the courage to ask! If you don’t ask, you don’t get!!
If you find that your fears are debilitating and you aren’t having much success in facing them on your own, please don’t be afraid to reach out to me or another professional. A session may involve talking about the thing that scares you, working on the thought patterns and beliefs that keep you stuck, practising relaxation techniques and managing your anxiety as you face your fears head-on. A professional can help you go at a pace that is comfortable for you, in a healthy manner that helps you move past your fear, rather than in a way that traumatises you.
With much love xxx
